Build That Wall
by Serenity Goddess
Summary: An intimate encounter with Xander causes Buffy to reevaluate their friendship.


TITLE: Build that Wall (1/1)   
  
DISCLAIMER: Buffy and gang don't belong to me. I just create imaginary stories and conditions and put them in. For fun. I have no life, I know. "Build That Wall", written by Aimee Mann.  
  
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The staircase creaked softly as she descended into the basement.  
  
She callously combed her wet, matted hair with her right hand, staining her blonde hair with a dark shade of red. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she found him with his back to her. Hearing something, he turned around.  
  
"My God, Buffy…" he nearly cried out in shock, staring at his best friend. He rushed to her and held her close. "What the hell happened to you?"  
  
"It's nothing … much," she answered, bravely forcing a smile. "Just a little more vampires than I expected. I think I'm… all right. Nothing that won't heal in time."  
  
"Stay here," Xander ordered. "I'll get something to clean those wounds."  
  
* * *  
  
"There."  
  
"Thank you," she answered softly. She looked at her bandaged hand and then back at her friend. Without warning, she burst into tears and threw herself into his arms.  
  
Surprised, he held her tightly. "Shh… it'll be all right."  
  
Buffy sniffed, and she drew back from him, a bit ashamed at her sudden outburst. "I'm sorry … I … just … I thought I could handle them … just like I did before."  
  
"Don't go thinking about that again."  
  
"… Willow …"  
  
"That wasn't your fault."  
  
"I should have killed them."  
  
"You did what you had to do. You did what you could. Stop blaming yourself. Willow wouldn't want you grieving this way."  
  
He held out his hand as if to stroke her face, but decided against it, putting his hand back down.  
  
Buffy said nothing , and merely looked down. Teardrops rolled down her cheeks and splashed on the bed. Several minutes of silence ensued, before she finally lifted her head and looked at Xander. "I don't want to be alone tonight."  
  
He nodded. "You can stay here tonight, if you want. You can use the bed - I'll bunk on the floor. Or something."  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
She inched closer towards him, and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable - yet he did nothing to stop it. Their lips met in an instant. Her lips felt soft and cool against his own and he revelled in it. It crossed his mind more than once that he was taking advantage of her vulnerability… but their lips did not stop moving. She was too beautiful, and the temptation was too strong.  
  
He was ashamed that he could not resist her - yet he did nothing to stop it.  
  
She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed him down on the bed.  
  
* * *  
  
As Buffy climbed out of the bed, she found herself feeling even worse that she did the previous night. She slipped on her clothes and took a step forward. She stopped, and turned around , looking at the still sleeping form of Xander, curled comfortably between the sheets.  
  
She felt confused. At the moment, she thought that one night - just one night … probably wouldn't have made a difference. She was wrong, and now things could never be the same again. She felt as if she could never look at him in the eye again, and she hated herself for it.  
  
She hated herself for being weak, and she hated herself for being foolish. She hated herself for being thoughtless, and she hated herself for destroying the one relationship that had meant anything to her.  
  
She had to get out of there.  
  
Buffy headed to the stairs and stopped again. She had no idea if she was ever coming back, or if she would ever see him again. Slowly , she turned and removed the silver cross she wore around her neck. Gently placing it on a nearby table, she stole one last look at Xander, and fled up the stairs.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander woke up and discovered that she was not there anymore.  
  
He threw on a shirt and got up.  
  
When he saw the cross on the table, his heart broke.  
  
* * *  
  
Buffy looked out of the window of the bus. This was a scene she was all too familiar with.  
  
Her tears ran freely down her cheeks. She missed him already. What she wouldn't give to feel his strong arms around her again. She cried some more as she realised all she lost in that one moment of passion.  
  
The engine started and the bus began to move. She had no idea where she was going, but she would know once she got there.  
  
THE END  
* * *  
"I was never one to fight it ... who could ever expect to fight it when she builds that wall…"  
- Aimee Mann, Build that Wall  
  



End file.
